You will not kill my spirit
Do not think me weak or doubtful. I am far from any concept you might gather, as you read this post, which you may relate to fragile. I am recollecting a moment in my life. I want to share with you my reader a moment I have felt frozen–in a memory.
I walk into a small room, and around me, I see many people. Each of them look scared and concerned. These people are all sitting in the same room wondering the same thing…we doing the right thing.
For many people who are waiting to hear the fate of a loved one is the longest most emotional experience of their lives.
And for me, I just wait. I look around me, and I want to get up and walk away. I want the moment to end…I just don’t want to know. I do not want the pain to begin. I hold the hand of the person who told me they loved me, and I look into his eyes with worry. His eyes gave me no peace, but I still hold on pretending that they could. There is no stopping the fate.
“Am I going to be alright?”
I knew life would go on after the news was delivered and after the results were confirmed. I just remember the looks…the faces…his face… my worry.
The images in my mind never fade they live ever present whenever I call on them. When I think back on this moment, I am frozen in time. I am frozen.
You will never kill my spirit. My spirit keeps all I have done in the past as an ever going present reality. I allow it to cover my mind when I want to escape. I use the past to confirm my strength and give me the power to move past present challenges.
You will never kill my spirit because I have nothing to fear. 
I Sleep Alone
A woman sleeps alone tonight. She wonders why she cannot stop. Thinking about him. Even after not seeing him for weeks, she thinks about his touch, smell, kiss, and smile. She longs to taste and feel again, she longs for more. When she turns over she wraps her arm around her side and images it is his hand gripping her tight. As she sleeps alone, the night seems longer then before. Mesmerized by how empty the room feels and how full her heart can be with just one more night in his arms. Her hunger is comprised to the thought of just one more unchastised moment to not feel lonely.
Routine
defined: found in the ordinary course of events; an unvarying or habitual method or procedure.
Although people may argue that he or she hates routine, its practice is found in our everyday life. Not only is routine soo entrenched in society, but it is inherent for society to function as a productive force. For many, they fight and struggle with the notion of living a routine life, so these particular individuals find themselves seen as “unruly” or “out of control.” At times these “unruly” people contend with the law at some point in their lives.
You see reader, our society values routine. For those who conform are pleseantly rewarded, freedom. The importance of routine tied to control is instilled in the minds of children at a very young age-grade school. “Walk in a straight line-hands behind your back.” I am merely making an observation about the role routine plays in the structure of our society.
Stability: a stable order (especially of society).
Family’s need stability. The foundation of a house needs to be stable or else the resulting structure will not be strong-collapse. By using routine as an approach to create stability or provide an understanding to a child of stability will provide a strong foundation where Love, Hope, Union, Loyalty, and Communication can be created.
Both Routine and Stability reside on the idea of constancy. Like the proverb says, “As you sow shall you reap.” The foundation you lay out for your future endeavors in life never forget that constancy relies on routine and stability which holds a light to positive components in creating a valuable life style.
Time
I have been working to create a stable future familial, career, and overall living experience. With a shovel in hand, I strike the soil. The foundation I wish to build is one that I will be happy. The strength to make the first dig deep and meaningful. For others not yet at this phase in life…Change, I wish you only the best. For others who find ways to avoid making such changes in pursuit of future happiness, I pray you will wake your consciousness to fully embrace the power of your mind to “dream” without hesitation.
Tap into the power of the mind to think the unthinkable and bring to light a pathway of possibility. Such thinking can direct a prospect of difference-Change.
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”-FDR
FUN
For about over a year, I hadn’t heard my real laugh. I had forgotten when you laugh so hard your mouth begins to hurt. I had forgotten that when I laughed from my soul time stoped for me to catch my breath. I forgot that I could be loud and I didn’t have to cover my mouth. I had forgotten what my voice sounded like when I was having FUN.
So many times, I had driven out into the night alone just to get away from everyone. I would drive the backroads of the borderlands and around me was pure darkness. The rivers and lakes reflected like silver from a distance. The streams on my face would shine in my reflection with every passing car. Naturally, I knew if I stayed in the relationship I would think laughter didnt’ exist and I would never feel my laughing face again.
I was driving down a one-way street and for many years I was not afraid of where the journey may take me. But it wasn’t until I realized that I was not Happy, I hit the breaks. I was not having fun.
The journey I know is long-pursuit of happiness. I am going to find it my dear reader and I am going to have fun. As soon as I realize the one-way street is worrisome, I will hit the breaks once again.
Contradiction
My deepest regret,
Contradiction: In classical logic, a contradiction consists of a logical incompatibility between two or more propositions.
I am beginning to see how the academic setting breeds a feeling of contradiction on the minds of our nation’s future citizens. Reader I am going to try to make an argument about the tacit expectation of the citizenry that compose the academic community and how the academic setting creates “norms” that viciously alienates and segregates those of the minority.
In other words, the academic community operates under particular “norms” that breed expectations on the students, who are not of the majority but long to be included in the fold of academia. You see readers, I am a graduate student nearing the end of my course work, and I have observed particular “norms” that educators do not disclose to their students.
For example, the academic world is centered on publication, so educators must build a critical often hyper critical ethos so as to come off as “better” or more “true” in their writing. Because academia is competitive and its environment harbors those emotions tied to competition. So even though graduate students and undergraduate students may not be a “true” competitor in the academic world, educators still mold them in ways that they see fit. By mold I mean, educators impose their ideas of “truth” about the competitive nature of academia on the students hence influencing their words on papers, assignments, and future projects.
In other words, if educators choose to ignore the competitive nature of the academic world tied to publication in classroom assignments than students will never learn about the power structures that operate both socially, politically, historically, and culturally inherent in the academic space.
Now understand that I am in no shape or form trying to say that educators’ teaching methods are wrong, but I am saying that educators cannot continue to talk about their course materials, discussions, and assignments are “natural” and operate under a “neutral zone.” In reality, the academic sphere and the way it operates will never truly disclose the “truth” about its foundation, so students will continue to not successfully navigating their believes and arguments competativily and their realities will never be realized by the academic space.
For women, the academic world places double standards that is numbing as they continue to practice in the sphere. While other refuse to acknowledge such inequalities and wave the flag of liberation and equality. I’ll air out the dirty laundry…I have an academic responsibility to paint the academy just the same color it longs to be “white” a bland neutral color that claims equality and justice for all.
Who Knows
Space:
Each space you inhabit even for a short time will have meaning. With that meaning, your personal imprints will reflect particular ideas in your mind when ever that particular place crosses your mind. So in a sense, you no longer have to be in that place to draw those feelings in your mind. I am talking about the power of the mind to attach particular emotional imprints on the material world. The creation of meaning to things.
The material world is a socially constructed. Humans draft up homes for people, offices, playgrounds, and dining tables. Those constructions are various and constructed from different materials. Yet no matter the material or the object we as humans place meaning to those object. We begin to create categories for those objects and in some cases we create hierarchies. For example the most meaningful to the most meaningless.
Yet when one feels empty and meaningless inside, those imprints on material become the only source…to fill the void. I see people on the television (granted I’m aware that TV is another element of the entertainment that feed us extremes of social characters for entertainment) seeking help-attention-meaning. So you seek out material goods to fill the void. A new dress, new shoes, and a new fight with your temporary roommate all for the sake of creating meaning in your life. I call this meaning “drama.”
When are people going to learn that “self motivated drama” is just a reflection of the emptiness you have inside of you, but the ”drama” will never fill the void. Once again shades, shoes, cars, and clothes will not fill the void and neither will the temporary drama you create around yourself.
All the stupid things
Out of all the stupid things I have said, I never meant to cause any trouble. Just as Coldplay’s Trouble lyrics say, “[stupid things] spun a web for me.” It is the stupid things I have done that keep me from the things I want for the future.
I have reached the point where I have spun a web that keeps me down from expanding the possibilities of greatness. I am trying to grow from my stupidity, so I am going to write today about making changes…to stimulate new discussion about a topic that was once considered dead.
“Race” as a writer once stated “has become taboo.” Yet in publication there are remnants of racialized discourses. For example, Audience. For publication using demographic statistics will leave out particular racial groups or lump particular racial groups together. Why?
Granted some people may argue…there are too many racial identities to be accounted for. But, why is it built into our subconscious that when one is labeled “native” or ”nonnative” it is assumed that native means “White.” The last I checked the Native Americans were not ”White.” I will qualify this statement with the Native Americans were born in the land we now call United States which was taken from the Native Americans and founded under the name of God-”white” ideology.
Ok enough, if I have angered a reader I will only say this…I have been reading a lot of highly racialized and highly popularized academic discussions about social linguistics. Even though social linguistics may not be a topic of your preferred reading understanding that this is a debate on the academic level. Makes you wonder.
