You are currently browsing the monthly archive for March 2007.
School provides avenues for great advancment and productivity. School is the ficility that knowledge and education of the mind is established. I want that knowledge and it had come with a price. Education costs time, money, and energy. Each of the elements are taken from life and life’s energy. I have asperations for the future and dreams for my life. I have found myself rethinking and doubting my goals. Fear… unknown. Those two words boggle my mind with smog that make me sick. I make myself sick with fear and I continue to tread forward. I want to attain my goals and finally have peace in life. Right now I am unable to give-up my life for anything other then my goals. I am cursed and my mind consumed with education. I want this curse to end and it will not end until I’m done with my masters.
Burning yourself on the stove hurts. It is a delayed pain that hits you after contact has been made. By the time you notice it hurts, the scar is already present and you are left with the pain.
I always hated hospitals. I never had to go to a hospital, cross my fingers, and when I have gone, it was for something unexpected. When the cold air hits you and the smell of new plastic scent is in the environment you know you are in a hospital. Sometimes, it hurts after you leave the hospital. It’s like when you are in the moment waiting for results you’re emotions are in a knot. All tied up in side in a ball. Then when the man in white or green arrives and explains the situation the ball doesn’t untie, it delays.
The pain doesn’t come until after you have made contact. It is like your mind provides you with a couple of seconds of peace right before the emotions can register. ” How do I feel about this new information?” Your mind needs time to calculate what is the correct emotion to express, and it hurts. Everyone should take sometime to register what step to take next after a big event. After a life changing event has happened allow yourself that time to register. Your body does it automatically; why should you not do it for yourself.
Don’t let your initial reactions consume your actions because you end up doing or saying something you regret. Time can be a virtue when used wisely . Even if it hurts, it is still your moment-to react.
If I were given an opportunity to memorize all the moments of my childhood life, I would want to remember my first birthday. Why my first birthday? Because as a child, the celebration is completely about the birth of “me”. It doesn’t matter about the gifts or the attendence. It is about life and the celebration and beauty of life. I would like to see what was said by the people in attendence, and who carried me around in their arms as all were being served cake and cookies. The first birthday is the time when the baby is not particularly aware or inerested in the party. So the realemotions and focus, is on family and freinds support and love for the baby. I would like to be able to see the emotion and love. I feel the need to remember that love for life. Now after 24 years of my life, I would want to remember the support and celebration for life. Lie and life alone…. So simple a concept, no, admiration for life and life alone. No worries for gifts and dress, just life. I pray that God give me another day to celeberate life again, as I did today with my family. We cheered to life tonight. I will be back from school and I will be able to have another day to celebrate life. Until then I pray for my memory to get better.
I shuttered on the beach chair watching the people walk across the sand. I had a bag full of things to do as I sat on the beach. I didn’t read any of my books or listen to any music. I just listened to the noises of the ocean and the serf only to think about…. I was wondering about what I wanted to do tomorrow or later today. After a full day of beach, I thought maybe a nice walk or run would do me some good. I shutter again after a gust of cold wind hit my body. I covered myself with the large beach towel that I bought for us. It was our beach towel and it provided me with warmth on the serf of South Padre. I wraped myself into a roll and continued to think. Yes, I will go home and run. The cold cloudy day didn’t stop many people from hitting the beach today and I was trying to salvage what was left of my Spring Break. Once home I slept. My plans never really keep and they haven’t kept for the past couple of years. Tomorrow I hope to run.
