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“ A person you know well and regard with affection and trust; an ally and supporter.”
I have had so many friends in my life. Some friends they come just at the moment I needed their support and trust, and they vanish into the time-line of life. Some friends I have kept over time until the present, and they continue to give me support and trust. Other have pretended to be a friend, and they continued to be my friend for selfish reasons. Why do people use people in fulfilling their own self interests? I know why, becuase it is human nature. Doesn’t every one keep a friend because they need support or need attention and trust? The need for someone is what draws us towards people and friendship. In a small way that is selfish “no” ? The need for attention and companionship is human nature and sometimes we keep a friend to fullfill a selfish need or desire. Example, this person is a good listener, while this other friend is a good party friend, and this friend is funny and each friend with a particular quality is what you need in your life so you keep them around as a friend. Yet, only true friends are the ones that stick it through the tough time. The times when you feel the lowest and the most vulnerable. To you, it doesn’t matter their previous function ( partier, listener, funny guy) you just need them at that moment to hold your head out of the water before you drown. I need air and only a few friends have held my head-up. Do I keep those momentary friends, that weren’t there for me, yes I keep them in my life still. I keep them because is it my nature to do so. So call me what you will, I am just telling it like I see it.
” You can not read loss; you can only feel loss”
Have you ever looked into someone’s eyes after not looking at them for a while. The time a part from that person was time spent elsewhere, but once you look into the eyes of that person once again it all comes back to you. You remember what you lost, in that person. I have heard that the eyes are key to the person’s soul- I’m not sure about that saying, but I know I saw something. I saw what I lost, I didn’t know what to say at that moment as I looked into his eyes. He is not here with me and the chances of our meeting is left to another time and place. As time continues to pass the chances of our meeting get more distant and complicated. Loss, nobody can tell you what it means, because it has different meanings to different people based on their circumstances.
When I first started texting, I really didn’t like the whole concept. I thought it pointless to send a short message to someone. A message that had no real sustenance, and a message with no real thought into the words. Later as time went on, I started to notice that sometimes all you want is to leave a brief message to someone. As technology advances so does the reasons behind the use of that technology. At first I was reluctant, and I was frustrated by the whole short emotionless messages. Now I am one of the millions of people who send short messages by convenience. I wonder if text messaging has been good to everyone else in the cellphone world? So far for me, I’m am OK with it.
She stays in bed all day, and she looks out the screen door hoping for an escape from the confinement. I remember when she was younger and she would ask me about my school day. In Spanish, she only speaks spanish. I responded respectfully in spanish, but she knew I had trouble with my spanish dialect but she never would tell me anything about it. She would sing the church songs so loud that it was as if the heavens could hear her. She can’t sing anymore and when I sing to her the church songs she claps with enjoyment. She won a contest when she was younger in Mexico and her parents were proud of her. She cries for her parents in bed and wishes they were still alive. She worked and raised thirteen children in her prime and now they take care of her. I can’t even dream of thirteen children and I think I am currently in my prime. She showed me how to cook rice and I believe I make the best rice in town;even-though, I know others prove me wrong. I look into her eyes, and I see half the women she once was, but I can’t walk in her shoes. I can only dream I can be just as strong as she once was.
Many people grow up in one specific location in the world. Other people spent part of their lives traveling across the nation or world taking in a part and making a home from the patch work. I live in the Valley. If you don’t know where the Valley is just look south towards Mexico in the southern region of Texas. I grew up into the adult I am today from my experiences on the bordertown of Mcallen. I never knew how different this region was until I left. Both cculture and family are two very important factors that make a home. Love is the adhisieve that hold the two elements together. When you travel and move away, you attain a different culture but family that never changes. Most the time you leave your home to pursue a love for something or love for a better life. I left my home for the pursuit for a better education. I have created a new home one that doesn’t live in the Valley anymore. My home moves and changes with time but I still see the family I wish to have and the culture I know I can get used to. I sleep, eat, speak, my culture in the Valley and I love my family but my home is not here. As I continue to grow I will make a home of my own. Until then, I borrow the Valley’s love, culture and family. Maybe my life’s path will end here.
I learned today that you can’t be early for everything.
To a meeting- you can be early because you can drink some punch or talk to co-workers about what that meeting could be about.
To class- you can be early because you can get a better desk and you get the chance to finish the readings you were unable to finish the night before.
To a family function- you can be early because you can watch T.V or hang out by the Bar-B- Que and small talk with others.
To a party- you can’t be early especially if you only know the host and he is holding the party at a restaurant. The restaurant will not let you into the party room because the previouse party hasn’t over yet. Second you can’t use the cell phone because inside the restaurant it is too loud or rea,d even if you did bring a book with you, you would have to read standing up and that is always uncomfortable.
If you get there early- note to self- make sure you have deodorant in the car and a good book or MP3 player handy to wait in the car. Since parking is bad, the restaurant is always packed on a Saturday night. Even though if the sun is at dusk, in the summer time, it can still do some damage on your B.O. and with gas prices escalading you’re not about to put the engine on to put on the A.C..
So moral of the story- You can only be early for somethings not everything.
I lost something today. I wasn’t sure what it was as I packed all my things and headed for home. I turned the key in the engine on and looked at my apartment for the last time. Driving south 35, I was heading to the place I once lived to be with my family once more. I needed to heal…I lost something today. Working on my masters the teachers don’t give you time to heal and you don’t give yourself time to heal. This time I was going to give myself time, and I needed a Tylenol. I left the things I didn’t really need behind in the closet of the apartment. Sometimes you need to think about the things you believe are important, that has real value. I lost something today. I unpacked the car after a five hour drive and started looking over all I decided to keep. I started setting things aside and placing a box for donation in the hallway. I once again had to place value on things on their usefulness and set those unuseful things aside. Maybe someone will think they are useful and use them. I lost something today. I needed to give something up back at that apartment it sits in a memory back at the apartment. It was not what I wanted, and I could not keep it. I left it behind-I lost something today. I lost all my ignorance and gained value in life. Everyday I remember what I lost and I do not live my life in vain anymore. Life is a gift we should not take it for granted I took it for granted and I hated myself for it I lost him. Forgive me.
People are normally selfish, self-serving, egotistical, and complex. On the other hand, people can be nice, generous, self-sacrificing, and simple. People’s attitudes dependon the given context of the moment or the environment. I would like to say I am a mix most of the time. O but then you have to add silly I’m always acting silly. I admit my faults opps then you need to add stubborn I’m stubborn most the time. When I’m with the people I love I pledge my loyalty to them and only them. No matter the cost they are God’s greatest gift. O yeah, lets not forget slow, sometimes I can be slow and lack common senes at times. Often times I forget about my needs to give to others, and many times I don’t realize how much of my life I have really given up until its to late, I’m not me anymore. OK one last one, loving. It just takes one kind word to change a persons attitude and state of mind. The power of language is a great thing, but only if you say it from the heart.
The walls in my room are white. I took down all the pictures, drawings, and all that reminded me of home. The carpet is clear from papers and books, and I see is the stain I left when I dropped bleach on the carpet when I was washing my tub. The bags are on the floor ready for the five hour drive, and I remember my parents walking in with me the first day I movied into thisapartment. The smell of empty is filling every space in the apartment and after tomorrow it will be covered with nothing. It was better when I had someone visiting me. My family had stayed for a couple of days was the best. Just having someone beside me and seeing someone in my room besides my dinasoir awaiting my return from a long school day. I wanted a visiter “Hello you, how was your day I have been waiting for you.”
You want to keep your friends forever. You promise them you will never separate, but it happens over time life swips them with the current. Distance doesn’t allow you to see them, but you talk to them and when you talk it is like time has never passed. You can count the true friends on one hand and you hold on those few. Then there is the one you love. You don’t get to see him/her half the times you want, but the love stays the same. The road divides and separation keeps you from him/her and it hurts to think about it. You hare happy for his/hers goals and achievements, and you are happy for your achievements to come. He/she will more than likely not be there for your graduation and you will not be there for his/hers, but you will be there for him/her for a lifetime if God allows. The force that draws people together mystifies me, and I never understood how a force so strong often times some people never experience. I have felt such a force and I can’t do without it. Love
