You are currently browsing the monthly archive for October, 2007.
Looking in the mirror and enjoying what you see is a learned ability. It is often practiced by many people in the world, men especially, but to truly like what you see is challenging. As I was growing up I was the “smart girl.” I spent most of my adolescent living up to that title. Academics are my best friend. My mother told me once”no one can take it away from you.” She told me about her inability to finish college, and I promised myself I wouldn’t stop going to school, and I would get my degree. I was not full. The degree was not enough, I want to look in the mirror and see no regrets. Oftentimes I feel less than full, lonely, and sad. Those doubts are ever present, but I’m not afraid dear friend. In my eyes I hold all the possibilites for success. I will not fail you, just believe in me.
So when does my life begin. I spend all my life in the hands of an institution. Oftentimes I have thought maybe I will not be able to catch up to everyone else, all those who have been at the game of life and know all its turns.
I face a long hallway each room full of students learning or pretending to learn. It does not matter to me what the other students in the classroom think of me. If they do not engage my topics about the issues we deal with in the books. It does not matter to me if they do not think I am a force to reckon with, but I am a power source of my own. I compel myself to talk in class even after they roll their eyes at me. I feel strongly about the issues of injustice that are faced by people of color in schools, and especially in the Valley.
The children, the kids, that I care about so much, what will happen to them if they never feel someone cares about them and cares about their future in education. I saw some students, and one of them was dressed in thug clothes, looking tough, but deep down inside I knew he was happy to see me. I gave him a warm embrace, and I told him, “never give up”, he said, “I won’t.”
Even if he does not make it all the way through high school, I want him to know there are good people in this world. Someone who cares about him and his future. It will hurt to leave my kids because one day I will have too. I will have a new group of students and a new set of challenges to face in the school system.
I have felt a glimmer of life, and I have seen it in the eyes of those kids. I want more. When will I have my life? I still am not sure, will the person I love the most leave me, and how will the Lord above grant me the opportunity to share my life experience with? I do not fear the possibilities, I am glad for every opportunity, come life I wait for you.
