Glued to my Laptop

I want to address the issue of what is means to be an “academic” in hopes in a broader sense, which my articulation might mean to people currently practicing an academic lifestyle. I sift through book cases of published material at the library with my grocery list of ingredients I will use to argue my case on my research paper. Before I have even read the material, I should have already formulated an argument, if not than I would have wasted my time at the library.

As I work on my paper, I begin to realize that my words have no meaning unless there is a distinguished author articulating my point already. Understanding that the western idea of the creation of knowledge pledges its loyalty to publishing houses whose editors and referees decide what gets in and what gets out into the social masses, I intend to play the academic game until I can become a creater of knowledge. Many times I read an article and begin to notice that I have entered another world or community. The language and “proper” literacy practices does not allow me to structure my sentences or argument the way I see fit. “you do not write like you speak”–bummer. Seems like the freedom to say what I want to say as I please and articulate as I please is at best found online.  Because online, you will find another community circulating knowledge.

The life of an academic finds freedom in the discovery of new interests and new ideas, but with the “new” comes the excitement to share with others in the community. I mean don’t you remember when you were little and getting a bad scab on your leg weren’t you excited to show it off to your friends. Well I have been cut open by the academic community’s ignorance of my issue of interest, and I have found healing in writing about the awareness of the “new” idea of study. But now I must play the academic game in order to circulate my knowledge, I am glued to my laptop trying to carve my path in the academy.

The three c’s in life

I attending a wedding once, before I attended graduate school. At the wedding, the “maid of honor” gave a speech to the bride and groom, which I want to share with my reader, since I still remember the key point of her speech. She began her speech with a story about interviewing an old business owner for a news paper column. She had asked the business owner what were his secrets in becoming a great business man. He said that there are three c’s which never failed him.

You must have “good communication, commitment, and compromise in every business deal you make.” The maid of honor then said that she believed that you could apply the three c’s in any relationship or marriage as well and would work just as successfully. I have thought long and well about that woman’s words, and from my past experiences, I can see how these elements are present in every relationship I have been in as well as the relationships I have observed among family and friends. I believe if the three c’s are practiced in a relationship, its practice, can produce deeper seeded qualities that insures a strong foundation.

So, take it from a successful business man communication, commitment, and compromise is the way to go, and I can admit, I have driven myself to carry those elements with me in every choice I embark in with school and personal life. I try as hard as I can to keep strong with their practice, but I can only hope one who crosses my path will meet me with the same level of understanding.

“Nothing is set in stone”

“Nothing is set in stone.” In other words, there is nothing that you feel is concrete can remain concrete. I am inclined to articulate just what this saying means to me and what it possibly means to my readers, because I am sure this saying has been shoved in the face of many people.

To begin, “truth” is subjective, meaning truth is personal. Even though many believe in universal truths, hence the markers of “good” and “evil,” the individual’s idea of “truth” allows that person to live life how they see fit. For example, when you wake up in the morning you know you will be getting a phone call from your parents before lunch, since you know this to be true, you decide to keep your phone turned off or on as to reflect your preference. Another truth personal truth could be you know that you parked your car outside in your assigned parking space, so you have your keys in hand before you walk out the door for work, even though it really got towed. The “concrete ideas” or truths we keep in our mind make us act out in particular ways even though “nothing is set in stone.”

Now that there is understanding in the variability of truth, let me articulate how the saying “nothing is set in stone” applies to life. If human beings have no truths and only lived in variability, than they would constantly live in Question. Questioning any action one shall make and question any possible future, such a mental practice provides a life with millions of options and billions of outcomes. Yet if a person continuously questions each outcome than what is the deciding factor of what action to take…because like it or not time will never stop and the social world is constantly influencing the life one lives. For example, bills must be paid, stop light means stop, and people need a form of identification in order to prove themselves a valid citizen.

As a result, if one lives the life of the hyper-contemplative, then you are allowing yourself to be in full control of the social forces, forcing the social factors to make you take action rather than you take action yourself. “Nothing is set in stone” there is nothing denying that statement, but there is no denying that society places expectations in order to live in a community of people.  So, you might as well believe that you can make your “own truths” and take action on your “personal truths” no matter if they are destined to not be absolutely true.

In conclusion, people take risks everyday when using this frame of mind, “nothing is set in stone” so go for it—take a chance on the postmodern world of variable truths and begin to live—truly live instead of becoming a puppet of the social forces.

“to thine own self be true…”

“to thine own self be true…” by dear readers. I spent much of my adolescent life figuring what my true self was and not what it should be as expected by those around me. Now as an adult, who has much more lived experiences, implore myself and others to be true to yourselves and you can never be wrong. Currently, I make no escuses for what comes out naturally, but as I begin to understand myself and life habits, it is not hard for me to excuse or appologize if my character my offend those who are not accustomed to my actions and words. Yet, I do not expect the people around me to make me change, sorry I will apologize in advance, I am who I am without your approval.

It was only after I began to understand my greatest weaknesses and strengths was when I have learned that I have much more to offer another human beings as in supplamenting one’s life rather than holding anyone down from their true potential in life. Sometimes I can be too critical, and hold people to a high standard, and that goes for friends and family, but I am sorry, but I expect greatness from the people I love.

In your mind, you can paint a picture of yourself that often times falls short from the truth, so it is always good to have someone that will “give it to you straight.” I appreciate the honest truth even though I may be stubborn in accepting it, but I will chew it and swallow eventually. There is no better experience in life than having a friend or family member that will help remind you to remember who you are as to make you a stronger person. Sometimes silence is a cop-out so speak up my people especially when your partner in crime is truly acting a “fool.” The truth hurts people and you know it when you have been slammed. The true definition of your character lies in how you take the truth and implement it in your life and future actions.

So slam it down, and wake up the consciousness to self-awareness. Because in my reflection, I see a person who has tried to be nothing but her true self with everyone she meets, no doubt about that… and if you have something to say otherwise give me reason and I will assess and make changes as I see fit.

Continuation: Solo-Uno-One

Life’s challenges create residues on an individual’s soul. The kind of markings that overlap on the original framework. The overlap is like new constructions which merge two points in your life. The bridge often goes overlooked by those who did not know me before the reconstruction took place, so they only see a finished product, while for those who have known me longer, know I am comprised of patchwork. I have looked into the eyes of my oldest sister, and she wishes me the best in the trials of life. As a college student, I have pulled myself together from a losing faith in the one person I thought loved me. I have gotten beaten down by the person I believed would protect me from my worst enemy– myself, especially when school was reaching its pinnacle of stress, and I was beginning to lose control. This time I was knocked down for the last time, and my reconstruction has been beautiful and noteworthy. My notes start with a question mark and ends with an exclamation mark. I am ready to be surprised! I am not afraid my dear reader, and I am not broken, I am new. Alone on my journey through graduate school, I fear that my solitude is my destiny. I will face this challenge head on. I will share my greatest accomplishments with those who remain by-my-side, and to the ghosts of my past, I wish you only the best. The residue you leave on my soul will never fade, but I can assure you the patchwork I have used to conceal the taint is amazing, and I will have my happiness in the end. My college experience will not break me—it makes me stronger.

Shield

Because of harsh past events, people build up a shield around the “true” person within to protect themselves from another bad outcome. To be more specific, people shield their hearts. I am no expert, but from my point of view, people don’t understand that there are different degrees of love. Degrees as in levels. You see you don’t love your friends the same way you love your parents and so on. These varying levels of affection are hard for many people to articulate to others. For some, the verbal acknowledgment of affection should be “assumes” or “expected” since ” I have known my friend for years.” I have learned this most recently when an old friend and I were taking about the kind of people we are…and how we deserve better in life. Yet, as we spoke about past failed relationships, I noticed what I had said was not a good assessment, and the anger in that person’s voice signaled me to say, “I care about you and I’m sorry.” I know for some of my readers this idea would be too much for them to articulate, but for me, it was the truth and to say “that I cared about this person” was not a hard to say. I mean when you truly have someone’s front is beyond words, but sometimes a past event takes place and that person (deep down) has a shield and it takes a while for that shield to weaken. For those who still don’t understand, I will say that when, “shit hits the fan” it will be those individuals who “know you care about them” will be there for you…giving you the support you will need even though you don’t ask for it.  Even though you think you don’t need a kind voice.

A Late Night Conversation

A friend dropped by my apartment late at night. We talked about the various complexities exerted on the mind of a developing college student consciousness. “College life” is a living breathing organism. The culture that creates its definition is personal to everyone that compose a college campus. For each element that structure the various defining social practices also influences another person’s definition of what “college life” means to them.

I have been in college for seven years, and I have created a definition of college that both exerts a force to strive forward and articulates the complexity that makes it hard to believe their is “goodness.” The very few contacts I have made in college has driven my mind to rethink what college means to me. I once saw college as a place where I could “get a head in life.” The mission I exerted on myself with the signing of the application was filled with varying social forces. Deep sacrifice, value, expectation, and anticipation for a better life. Once I began to experience college life through other people’s lives in college and the social forces exerted on them, I was fearful, worried, and concerned.

Why are people driven by the drama of college instead of the life instituting their decision to enroll into the organism? The living breathing thing that feeds off of each person’s character is a force that eats away the “reality”-the world around them. The institution is merely a place that provides access to the paper that places value on their purpose in the world. An individual’s purpose that does not get recognized by the “real world” unless their is another person’s signature by your name. Someone must bring value to your name ….my dear young college students!

These are the social realities I recognize and worry about as I look into the eyes of the youth. The Survival of the dramatic culture inadvertently created by the organism called “college life” is crucial, thus you must look past the blindness the drama creates to see the social reality. The Survival of the various social forces instituted by the college organism, which allows only a certain population out with paper in hand, should be dramatic enough to provide a purpose for completion.

Do not hate me because I recognize those social realities…La Lucha. Your blindness is your problem. I will survive even if I am standing alone. I will survive no matter the cost.

A Dream for Rent

I have a dream for rent, please take it, so I may have the chance to make new dreams. I have had the same dream for the duration of my relationship, but I am ready to let someone else take it. They could change the names, people, maybe even rearrange the events that take place in the dream. The imaginative thoughts that have both filled my mind and heart have replayed too many times…I want new characters. So, I will let someone rent my romantic dream and recast it as they see fit as long as they pay the rent. I have no doubt that my dream will provide them with all the happiness it has given to me. The space it will occupy in their lives will be sufficient and pleasing. Furthermore, the time it takes to start the dream over every night will always feel to short and so real. I have not only blessed this dream with all the many nights of prayer for it to come to be, but I have also made this dream, so wonderful that you will never want to picture reality the same way again…hand in hand lips to lips. I have a dream for rent. I need to take my head out of the clouds and back on the reality before me…seems like this dream might be a rent to own. My-self-made dream may be very disconnected with reality but doesn’t everyone want to escape reality from time to time.

Morning Coffee

Why do people fear change? The nostalgia from the marketing industry has programed the public to desire “sameness” and repetition. Sometimes I look at the clothing styles and think…”didn’t my mother have a dress like this one.” Familiarity makes us feel warm and cozy in our subconscious mind. Haven’t you noticed that every Walmart you walk into has the same floor plan. Food on the right of the store and medication on the left, while the electronics department is located toward the back of the store besidetoys and shoes. The market doesn’t want us to feel “used” so they make us feel warmth through consistency and “sameness.” Let’s not forget Holiday sales. If the customer feels they will get the best deal on the “day after sale” than dang that’s what they are going to get. The markets will excuse themselves by saying that they keep the same sales days and floor plans as to decrease customer confusion and caterto the frequent shoppers. Humm, feed the conscious mind with the idea of conformity and comfort. As the market pocket the nostalgia, we remain fearful of change. Conformity meets the market…wonderful.